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Hunting the Silence

by Beth Goodfellow

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1.
What good are words when nobody seems to listen? Maybe it was me having trouble tuning in After all you might be right It’s just that you’re so damn good at turning on that light I’m ready to cut the cord next time you want to fight Push, push, shove Push, push, shove Push, push, shove Push, push, shove Maybe it’s my fault, I should have toned it down After all I was quite a sight It’s just that you’re not that guy denying your emotions They say don’t you ever cry and give your heart to no one Push, push, shove Push, push, shove Push, push, shove Push, push, shove What good are words when nobody seems to listen?
2.
Sleep Fright 01:32
Was it you at the window? I can see your face as clear As if you rang and ran away So we go without touching these days Thats how we go these days Late at night I get outside Leave all the inside in Let all my insides out And let my outsides in Let the outsides in Was it you at the skyline With your wings wide as wind See you sing and sail away So we go with no embraces these days That’s how it goes Early light I get outside Leave all my sleep fright fights Let all my night dreams out And let the day beam in Let the day beams in
3.
Come dance with me How many times can I dream it You feel as near as the ants rushing by The hot ground beneath their little feet How they bite and disappear Come ride with me The simple life, can you see it? On a hand shadow dragon gliding by The fire fancies the flame you breathe How you kiss and disappear They say life’s so slow here So if you move do it quick cause Love’s alone here Life’s so slow here So if you move do it quick cause Love’s alone here Life’s so slow here So if you lose it will stick Like a pin in the photograph wall of your heart oh God Come lie with me Or tell the truth if you mean it You’ve been a snake on the shoreline sliding by That bottomless green aching sea Now dive down and disappear
4.
I went walking through the old part of town Past the place we used to live Past the market on Main west of the highway Funny how the walls still stand long after we fell I was like our house, holding steadfast No matter the season of you No matter I need warmer conditions Call me a quitter, it’s not the worst thing you’ve said Call me a quitter, it’s not the worst thing I’ve been I could have died on our porch swing Mocking birds commanding my soul But with a bang of the shutters I was kicking you out Call me tomorrow, maybe I’ve made up my mind Call me tomorrow, maybe
5.
Hey are you around? Do you wanna go downtown? Park by the station, wait for the whistle That midnight missle When you hear it just kiss me Tell me you missed me I’ll believe, I’ll act surprised like I didn’t plan this Yeah it all happened by chance Some day I won’t have to try so hard Some day you’ll fold me like a sun-faded flag Waving twenty-five years in the same front yard Hey are you awake? Do you wanna get together? Pull up the faders, blow out the meters I never needed to hear it to listen Cause you’ve only been spinin’ that song since The first time you asked me to dance
6.
I’ve got the bug or the bug’s got me Once bitten forever shy I try to hide and cover up the raw spots But I’m the one they find every day Hold down the sun but the sun comes up Stings mix in my coffee cup You’ve got to get your skin shined up (to stick a long shot) Or you’ll die on the vine, so they say Maybe the birds will find me soon In the stillness of an afternoon I’ll learn to sing as sweet and loud They’ll spread me round your yard and fly away
7.
It’s the way you look when you’re thinking That’s when it hits me we might be the same That’s when it hits me this might have a name Don’t say a word as I we drive home I could say what’s the reason for speaking To someone who gets me in silence the way Someone who listens remembers your name Come to be heard and go alone I just laugh when I feel my heart breaking Making fun of the mystery, reinventing history So I won’t have to hurt now that you’re gone
8.
Is it foolish to want things to stay the same Just for a while, just long enough To take breath and smell the air Belonging to my longing? Have I mistaken what was demanded Were they asking less than I’ve given? What’s the point of all of it If we’re only halfway living? Its been so long here in this place So many hours staring at my own face Until now, you’re finally here To save me with your singing
9.
Robin's Egg 00:59
So it’s time to go And I’m feeling like a robin’s egg Blue as morning sky and runny inside I might crack So it’s our last night Someone help me up the stairs I might fall with the weight of all this love It must have been Christmas When I looked in your eyes That’s all I came for after so long apart
10.
Some nights hope sits in on the front stairs Gone binging again crushing cans Drunk dialing a friend for a buy-in Ditching class on the cash-out You’ll know her the next time around Like when faith would sell her mood rings Downtown in the rain off her hands Red’s love and black for desire Pledge allegiance to passion Right after the boots on the ground Charity, charity What would we do without charity? Wouldn’t it finally be fair? Then could it finally be fair
11.
Disconnected from place, from face Which way is up which way is down? Everyone wants to stay inside, wants to hide No one around, no one downtown Can I ask you when does it end? Is this as good as it will get? Should I be thankful not to be dead Instead of holding every breath Can I ask you when will we know If this as good as we can do Why this hatred for the unheard? Instead of hugging at the hearth Interrupted mid-stride by tide Which way is love, which way is life? Everyone treads to stay afloat, where’s the boat? No one around, they’ve all run aground
12.
California’s on fire again this year First the drought and then the flame What’s in a name? Only every golden dream California here I come California my home Heed the warning shot fired into our air First the heat and now this fog What’s that, the sun? Redder than our golden gate San Francisco I left my heart When I was young they talked of a time When we’d run thin on years to plan Well we’re here, we’ve met the dust We have to listen to the land Place our feet on the ground Do some goodness with our hands Do some good
13.
I wake up from my dream of you Hungry and little bit sad Missing the rain in Reykjavik The airport and the dark afternoons Lights on the highway the quiet ride Someplace past to someone new Love songs in a lyric book All the while next to you I fall asleep to words you sent Cold light of my phone in hand What’s the use in writing back if nothing’s new?
14.
Pretty Words 01:12
4 a.m. marquee then the airport I didn’t have time to say goodbye Only look back over my shoulder You were looking back too The buzz of the people, lights on stage Spent all my time waiting on a call Turns out it’s all I’m good for So what the hell do I do now? Maybe go stand on the dirty sidewalk In the alley where we last talked I just might hear you whisper Some pretty words I know
15.
She has music in her footsteps He can hear as she walks by He is quiet in that loud way She learns his melody He picks a note from an orange tree She slices it in harmonies He catches songs like little fish She sharpens her own spear She loses to the stars every night He hides his face from the morning sun She lets her hair flow in the wind He swims further out to open sea
16.
Somewhere across the blue I lost myself to you Now I return home No more flying high Out back I left my dreams to die beneath the trees How secrets need the ground No more crying nights Is it better than before? Or is it better not to know? Is it better to have loved than to never love at all? Somewhere along the path I laughed myself to death There’s nothing left to say Just joke and slap my thigh
17.
I-10 East to the flat line in the sand How your storms blow it and blur it I stay to my side but I feel like I’m falling It’s all in my head, it’s all in the wind I-10 West with a live round in my hand And my blood’s burning beneath it Might be too late to hide out much longer It’s all in my heart, it’s all in the wind Here the weather wanders east Until Santa Ana has her say Comes a magic breeze our way She sends your music on her clouds I-10 East to the flat line in the sand How my rains mark it and move it But you stay to your side like an army in stalemate It’s all in my head, it’s all in the wind
18.
Sun Warming 02:14
Can you feel the ocean welling up in tide Crashing to the shoreline with the moon inside We can hide our footprints, lie low in the grass Hush a whisper inside til the tiger’s passed Sun warming cold morning Sun warming cold morning Can you hear the river, water never lies Flowing where its wanted when the earth decides We can raise our voices, climb a mountain road Look down on our choices like we could have known Sun warming cold morning Sun warming cold morning
19.
Hold winter’s hand Walk lightly through an icy land What do you see? Sunlight and white upon the trees What do you feel? Pulse of a people trying to heal From a deep ache Lonely heartbreak Foolish mistakes Reconciliation coming so late And yet still we grow We kiss the snow Finally we understand the cold What does it say? No need to seek beyond today What does it know? All things must die before they bloom There will be spring That’s a sure thing The turning wheel will bring A song we’re finally strong enough to sing
20.
It’s time to pay attention Collect the reasons and arrange them in a line Follow the logic like a highway full of neon road signs You want to ask the questions Predict the future like they read it on your hand But it’s not a test where every answer comes exactly as planned Help me hold on to it Help me hold the line Help me stop the madness and this waterfall of lies It’s time to use your judgement Connect the benefits and factors in your mind Then ask around and see if everybody’s paid a fair price It wasn’t always like this We could cooperate and make a better land It’s not as scary as it sounds lot love your fellow man Help me hold on to it Help me hold the line Help me stop the madness and this waterfall of lies
21.
So Long Now 03:12
All I want these days is a pair of arms around me And all I want these nights is a pair of eyes upon me Somebody nearby to tell me it’s all right It’s been so long, so long now When things fall apart you need a gentle heart All I see these days is anger all around me And all I feel these nights is loneliness upon me Where are the bright lights, laughter and late nights? It’s been so long, so long now I wonder where you are - should I hit or fold my cards? All I want these days are your open arms around me Like water in the night when you wake and find you’re thirsty In our moment life was high, now the years go crawling by It’s been so long, so long now When I see your face again it won’t matter where we’ve been So long, so long now
22.
Wake me up I’ve been dreaming long enough There’s nothing left to lose I’m ready for the truth Waste your breath Some birds sing half as much And never tell a lie You can’t deceive the sky And it’s fallen so often I’m upside down Giving up Not the same as giving in Dip your fingers in the tray Where water waits to pray
23.
Something about you makes me understand Everything that made me mad Wasn’t actually that bad The way you listen and then Say things to make me laugh Where did you learn to love like that? Now I don’t want to go But you let me say goodbye Wait until the highway sign before I start to cry Look back in my mirror at your tail lights Turn signals opposite directions Where’d you learn to leave like that?
24.
No Dice 02:29
You say someday I’ll come in handy But I know how that goes You get what you need and leave I’m not gonna stick around to see I’m down to find out just how deep the sea can be All right, I’ll bite Just not on the same old line You better not fish around here I’m smart but my heart keeps trying to hustle me No ace, no dice Penny payouts is not where you’ll find me I’m not gonna ante up to play I’m not gonna ante up today
25.
Trio 02:00

about

Hunting the Silence is a collection of songs written between September, 2020 and the end of December, 2020. Each song was written and recorded in one day. Most were completed in Tucson, AZ as part of two writing retreats, the goals of which were to work quickly with minimal edits or judgements, and to keep the songs under three minutes. The results are snapshots of each day and mood.

The first seventeen songs employ layered three-part marimba counterpoints and overdubbed vocals. Starting with “Sun Warming”, the technique shifts to recordings of live performances featuring four-mallet marimba for the next seven songs. “Trio”, written and recorded on Christmas Day, returns to the three-part counterpoint to close out the year.

These songs are presented in chronological order of their completion (including PDF notation) to mark the passing of 2020 and the opportunities it offered for artistic exploration.

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released January 10, 2021

All songs written & recorded by Beth Goodfellow

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Beth Goodfellow Los Angeles, California

Drummer/Percussionist/Vocalist Beth Goodfellow lives in Los Angeles, CA..

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